Frogs

My phone sounds like frogs. I did that on purpose, thinking it would be hip and cool without sounding like I'm trying too hard.

But that was before I got my job.

 See, I'm a checkout girl, and my job consists soley of wearing a bow-tie and acting deferent to people I could easily overpower.

Thought not.

Anyway, as a casual worker they can potentially call me at any time for a shift.

So it came about, my phone ringing began to scare me.

And, by extension, anything that vaguely sounds like frogs

And lots of things sound like frogs.

Insane

Ok, I know I just Very Recently told you guys that I was at peace with my mum and her diets, but yesterday something happened.

I have a problem with my bones, see. I'm verging on osteoporosis, which is infuriating, because I'm a teenager. 

So I don't have substantial bones. And without bones we are just shapeless blobs. 

Yes, I get the irony.

Anyway, I've been taking supplements, and it's all good, right?

Apparently not.

My mum has read a chapter in her book on Calcium, and reakons that my supplements are actually doing the opposite, switching off all the hormones in my body that recognise Calcium, because there is so much of it. 

So she wants me to read the book.

Fine, I say. 

But here's the part that makes me nuts: she wants me to never tell anyone that she was the reason I quit taking my supplements. 

Say I have another bone scan and there's no improvement. 

pathetic bones, even for a stick figure

 I'm not allowed to say "Mum was concerned, so I stopped taking the pills." even though that's what happened.

 

I don't think that's right, it's like having your cake and eating it too.

That is it for ranting today!

Testing

I'm just checking something...

Raw Vegan Food!

Don't go away!  I Have got a recipe for you, but it's all the way at the bottom. So you need to SCROLL!  Scroll and be confronted with my blog. Yes, it's evil.

It sort of is a shameless publicity stunt to include these three words in my "Lables" function, because Raw Vegan Food gets so many hits on Google, I can't do much better.

Or can I?

Although, technically, none of my stick figures wear clothes.

You'll see my... I don't know, something.

I'm sorry. That tangent was pretty much unnecessary. I might need to do a post with no direction in the future, so that I can't go off on random tangents. It will be a Giant Tangent. 

I'll stop. the point I wanted to make, was that I'm not just  shamelessly seeking attention.  I might not have told you, but I have a mother. 

Oh, yes, I did tell you. I remember. 

I wish I didn't.

No, I joke. I really love my mother.

But! She has an unusual habit of reading health books, and changing her diet SO DRAMATICALLY every time.

She doesn't force us to follow, but she makes little comments like:

and of course, that just makes me go

Her favorite line is:

"Just read the book. You'll change your attitude." Which is great, that she's making me healthy an' all, but it's terrible for my social life. Yesterday I went to a birthday party at a pub (a really wacked-out party, I might add, but I promised no more tangents. More on that later, I guess)

And when I read the menu I felt like voices were in my ear telling me the things I shouldn't be eating.

And when that happened, everyone thought I was mad, and the birthday girl started pressuring me to eat something. 

But I held fast, and saved, like $20. It was an expensive pub. 

So I guess I can thank my mum for that much. 

Her latest book is "The China Study," which demonstrates, with some unfortunate rats, how meat gives you cancer. So now I'm experimenting with vegan food for dinner, which is actually proving fun and challenging.

This surprised me, because all my cooking knowledge is gleaned form Masterchef, which teaches us that cooking can't be fun or challenging unless someone is yelling at us. 

Why don't they make a reality TV show called "Crying Contest" and get it over with?

Anyway, as promised, here is a Raw Vegan Recipe. It is my little sister's favorite breakfast that mum approves of, and it's pretty easy. 

Let's Cook!

Only not, 'cos it's raw. You get what I mean.

Chia Seed Breakfast Pudding

(Chia seeds are getting lots of attention lately, because they are full of omegas. Look closely at them if you don't believe me.)

High-powered view of a chia seed

Ingredients:

 

• 1/2-1 cup of Chia seeds (adjust according to thickness)
• 1/2 cup raw cacao powder. (or carob, I guess, but I don't see the appeal)
• 1/2 cup medjool dates, pitted. (If you are happy with honey, you can use 3tbsp instead)
• 2 cups hazelnut milk (Or any other nut milk. Soy will work, if you need)
• 1 cup coconut milk
• 2 tbsp raw coconut oil (optional, the recipe works without it)
• 1.5 vanilla pod seeds (or 1.5 tsp vanilla extract)
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• .5 tsp nutmeg (use fresh-grated if you can. you won't go back)
• .5 tsp salt

Directions:

1. Blend everything but the chia seeds in a blender until smooth (if not using dates, mixing with a bowl and spoon should work)
2. Transfer to a large bowl and stir in the seeds by hand until the mix is even. 
3. This is where the magic of chia seeds come in. The mix will still look pretty thin, but Chia seeds pretty much triple their size when soaked. leave this in the fridge overnight for breakfast in the morning, and it can have the texture of thick custard to solid pudding, depending on how much seeds you add. 
4. You can then add more milk, in order to thin it, if you prefer.

Chia seeds have the texture of frogspawn when they're soaked. There, I said it. But prepared like this, they taste great. 

And the beauty of this recipe is that you can add anything;

• shredded coconut
• rasins
• chocolate bits
• chopped dates
• berries

Just off the top of my head. Just stir them in with the chia seeds. 

There! How's that for a raw vegan recipe! As promised and everything!

blogging

Hey! Remember how I was pondering over writing a story?

Yes?

No?

Well I actually started to write it. And I'm not hurt that you don't remember.

No really. It's actually a welcome change from my family, especially my little sister, who I won't let forget that I am writing a story. 

And I'm really glad I started writing it, because it really smells like success. Unlike my wardrobe, which smells like failure. 

So that's why I haven't been blogging much.

Also , this*amazing* story has the potential to make me millions of dollars and also an Oscar for the movie, because it it sheer brilliance.

Unlike this blog, which is inhabited by crudely-drawn circle people and I can't make any money from it. Unless I put ads, but then everyone would be all

Actually, I do think that, but my therapist says don't tell anyone.

And of course, ads aren't cool, so I wouldn't do that to you. 

Because I love you.

Yes, you. 

And I would naver make you read ads.

D

Not sure whether or not to post this one, the memory of it always makes me laugh, cry, and shake my head at my own stupidity.

So I thought it would be a good story, but reading it now I'm all

Which I can only imagine is how my mum felt after she had me.

Anyway, I've typed it.

I was speaking earlier about how I passed my exams for the end of the year. You can't have forgotten, if you've read it. Remember how your scalp itched with the scarring thought of me doing this:

Of course you do, my scalp is still itching.

Anyway, on the subject of exams...

When I saw my Biology results, I freaked out.
Because all my other subjects give me Non-Graded-Pass, (NGP).
But when I saw Bio, there, on the screen was a massive, evil-looking

D

and of course, my eyes went even less symmetrical than usual. 

 And I turned into a werewolf for an hour and tried to get it out of my system.

But wait!

I came back an hour later and actually looked at the thing.

That big ol' D was a D for distinction.

so, instead of needing to wear one of those cone-shaped dunce hats for failing my exam, I needed to wear one because I passed, and didn't even look.

And, you know, to hold my enourmous brain inside my head :)

And I look like a unicorn.... hehe

Birthday presents

Birthday presents are a lot like paying for entry to a very expensive club.

It's the thought that counts, after all.

Sure now that I didn't fail

But guess what?

(room for guessing)

I passed my exams!!! wooooooo!!! (one can never have too  many oos.)

I was really worried, because before the exams they were all

So what do I do? I go in and say:

COMPLETELY FORGETTING TO WASH MY HANDS!

But we all know this story has a happy ending, proving that a few antibiotic-resistant bacteria between friends dosn't really matter.

I didn't fail!

Or at least I don't think so. More on that later, I think.

Right now I'm too busy repeatedly doing this:

Which is more an epic fail than a fail.
Because I think it's dancing.
 
I think I have found my new profile picture!

Something Else

Ok, I deleted a post from a few days ago, due to paranoia. I included someone who probably wouldn't want to be included, if anyone knew about this blog. 

at first I was all "pssh, nobody reads this blog," but it wasn't enough. 

Filled my head all last night, which is just a stupid thought. And yet...

So I deleted the post. 

Unfinished blog entries, old journals... these things should all be revealed on death beds. That way, death beds would be much more entertaining. 

It's titled "why Iz hate Youz all," and it's quite entertaining. I've seen it.

No more death beds in future posts, if I can help it. They're a little depressing. But I'm quite attached to my diseased guy.

Even if he talks too much.

Something

I really want to say something, just to get it off my chest, you know?

But the problem is, you can never un-say something, once it's said.

I guess I can always save it 'till my death bed, when it doesn't matter anymore. 'Cos I'll be dead. 

So much stuff must come out at death beds. 

dates

I went on a date last night. 

I know what you must be thinking:

well, shut up. Because that guy from the Big Bang Theory has met a female version of himself, and they are having some kind of creepy relationship. 

Not that I have anything against asexuals. You guys must have lots more free time and headspace.

but yes. I did go on a date. and it was the most awkward thing I have ever done in my life, including that time I auditioned for the school play, and subsequently got to play a wall.

good thing I look amazing in a sandwich board.

We saw a movie, and the entire time was spent like this:

and throughout the whole thing, thoughts were running through my head like

• What's going on?
• These arm rests are surprisingly uncomfortable. Is there metal in them?
• Is that my hand that's sweaty, or his?*
• My leg has gone numb from leaning on this arm rest
• How far is the movie through?
• Is he touching my stomach? Nobody touches my stomach. Not even I touch my stomach.**
• Now the entire right side of my body is numb.

And it occurred to me that these were not the kind of thoughts that one should be thinking on a first date. I didn't even think about the movie that much, except to get frustrated at the sheer amount of 3D blood that came flying out at me (it's so real). I just felt nothing, which was a real shame, because this guy is

• nice
• intelligent
• interested in Pokemon
• in possession of an unusual last name
• cute

Anyway, while I try and figure out what is wrong with me (not in list form, I swear), I had to subtly say I didn't want to do this again. Thank god for google. 

*it couldn't have been mine, now that I think on it. I have poor ciurculation to my hands, it's a blood pressure thing. 

**Seriously. I am terrified of my stomach, not in the least because I'm afraid of it growing and taking over my body. So I just ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist, hoping it will do the same for me.

Journals

hey everyone. Do you keep a journal? Have you ever?

I personally have never kept a journal. I tried several times when I was younger, and even when I was not-so-younger, but I was unable to keep going for several reasons. I just ended up with lots of part-used books that I can never use for drawing or other stuff, because people might look at it and go

I swear I just admire her acting.

but for some combination of the reasons below, I can never complete a journal. 

1: Boredom

Oh, no wait! I don't!

2: Depression

3: imagination

But seriously, who's got me on this one?

4: finally escaping my imagination

But my victory against my imagination, which is apparently just a bunch of grey swirls, is short lived, because without my imagination, my journal entries look like this:

Shit's getting heavy.

Also, it seems that it's my imagination that lets me write in cursive. I went through my old science textbooks, and it's all in print. In English books, however, I  use flowy-cursive letters. I'm not sure why. 

Anyway, for these reasons, I really value the committment and care placed by people who can write in Journals. Congratulations, you are a fantastic person.

It makes it so much easier for me to stalk you.