dates

I went on a date last night. 

I know what you must be thinking:

well, shut up. Because that guy from the Big Bang Theory has met a female version of himself, and they are having some kind of creepy relationship. 

Not that I have anything against asexuals. You guys must have lots more free time and headspace.

but yes. I did go on a date. and it was the most awkward thing I have ever done in my life, including that time I auditioned for the school play, and subsequently got to play a wall.

good thing I look amazing in a sandwich board.

We saw a movie, and the entire time was spent like this:

and throughout the whole thing, thoughts were running through my head like

• What's going on?
• These arm rests are surprisingly uncomfortable. Is there metal in them?
• Is that my hand that's sweaty, or his?*
• My leg has gone numb from leaning on this arm rest
• How far is the movie through?
• Is he touching my stomach? Nobody touches my stomach. Not even I touch my stomach.**
• Now the entire right side of my body is numb.

And it occurred to me that these were not the kind of thoughts that one should be thinking on a first date. I didn't even think about the movie that much, except to get frustrated at the sheer amount of 3D blood that came flying out at me (it's so real). I just felt nothing, which was a real shame, because this guy is

• nice
• intelligent
• interested in Pokemon
• in possession of an unusual last name
• cute

Anyway, while I try and figure out what is wrong with me (not in list form, I swear), I had to subtly say I didn't want to do this again. Thank god for google. 

*it couldn't have been mine, now that I think on it. I have poor ciurculation to my hands, it's a blood pressure thing. 

**Seriously. I am terrified of my stomach, not in the least because I'm afraid of it growing and taking over my body. So I just ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist, hoping it will do the same for me.